Couples Therapy

The cycles are so familiar, you know what they are going to say before they open their mouth. The constant heartache has boiled over into active resentment. “We fight whenever we talk to each other.” When the consequences of the situation and decisions in front of you may end your marriage, emotions run high.

When emotions are running high, most couples approach each other with feeling and words that almost guarantee their partner won’t hear them – feeding the cycle of rejection and hurt. Many couples feel frustrated, “We’ve argued like this so many times, why isn’t anything changing?”

• Years of drifting further apart
• The stresses of children, especially when parenthood isn’t going like we thought it would
• Impacts of sexual or pornography addiction
• Affairs and infidelity
• Engulfment or enmeshment that leads to inappropriate loyalty to the family you came from at the cost of the family you are creating together.

All of that can change.

We work with high conflict couples – marriages where the layers of hurt go so deep that remembering why you want to be together is a fleeting memory in a sea of hurt and resentment.

Couples that start work with us often have a difficult time even looking at each other, let alone talking through their issues. We’ll work early on to get your nervous systems able to function while you are in the same room. We can make sure you two know how to set the stage effectively so you can be more successful figuring out what to do about your life together.

Some couples get to therapy before they have years of resentment built up. We do great ‘tune-up’ work as well.

The bulk of communication between two people in a marriage doesn’t come through the words they say. Couples often don’t appreciate how easy it is to start living in separate worlds, it doesn’t take much to start to feel like you’re married to a stranger.

We’ll put all of the forms of communication front-and-center in the room so you and your partner can fully hear and fully be heard.

Playing “find the bad-guy” in couples counseling does little more than create bad habits and an expectation that if you talk about problems you are going to open a black hole of criticism and disconnection. We can teach you how to think like a couple, not two individuals fighting it out.

We help couples get to the place where they can be face to face, and eventually heart to heart.

We’ll navigate around defenses built to keep your heart safe from the person you never thought you’d have to keep at a distance.

Working to get fully present in this way helps you and your partner to have a chance at remembering why you want this relationship to work.

We’ll celebrate the moments where the two of you get out of your heads, into your hearts and bodies, and step into the space between each other.

You’re going to learn how to have effective and healing conversations with each other, not at each other, and certainly not through me.

Eventually, you and your love will fully take in what’s being felt, what you both long for, and therefore truly hear what your partner is saying.

You two can see each other for the first time.

We’ll create a base of commitment, fairness, and mutual protection that protects what is special about your love.

The difficult things you have to express to each other can turn into springboards for understanding, respect, and working together on problems – shoulder to shoulder – instead of pushing and pulling at one another.