Affair and Infidelity Recovery for Couples

Both of you have been feeling tension and disconnect for a long time. It’s hard to put a finger on it, but the sleeplessness, frequent arguments, and disinterest and disengagement you’ve been feeling for a while all have to do with one thing: there has not been honesty or real connection in your relationship.

Finally, things came into sharp, painful focus…

… the day you discovered your spouse had been keeping sexual secrets.

… the day you realized you couldn’t keep lying and you disclosed everything.

… the day you were filled with despair, wondering if your relationship could survive this.

… the day you had to choose either to repair the relationship or to go your separate ways.

Nobody starts the relationship planning for the bottom to fall out, now neither of you feel you can trust anything.

It’s confusing, to say the least, to be so wounded by the person you were sure you could trust. Disorienting pain and confusion are feeling more like the norm than the temporary nightmare they used to be.

It means you are feeling the trauma of betrayal, and both of you are looking for anything that will make things feel certain.

You’re here, reading this now because you are realizing that it will take more than honesty and saying ‘we’ll do better’ to put the pieces back together. Many couples wonder at this stage if they should try to come back from betrayal.

More couples wonder if they can come back from betrayal.

It’s normal to go through a cycle of demanding and giving promises, staggered disclosures, and long conversations about what happened with little clarity on what to do next to make things better. A lot of energy goes into staying in the same place- so much hurt, confusion, anger, distrust and feeling so lost.

Of course, the two of are looking for something or someone to stabilize you… but it probably won’t come from your marriage… not yet.

Qualified help is one of the best places to start to begin to put the pieces back together.

After discovery, it’s essential to acknowledge and explore all feelings and options. It’s crucial to work hard to make your relationship fair and safe again. The right therapist will help you both do just that. Each of you is about to make some of the most life-changing decisions you have ever faced.

We start with the relationship x-ray. Your therapist will work fast to become an expert in each of you and your relationship. We don’t skimp on making sure we understand exactly who you each are and what is happening between you- nothing gets better in a relationship unless we understand the relationship and the two people in it.

You’ll both leave the first session with some important, basic questions answered: “Are we going to rebuild this relationship?” “What are we supposed to do so that things can get better?”

We’ll work carefully to make sure we all know what is happening between the two of you and why. Most importantly, you will leave each session knowing how to change hurtful dynamics and how it will feel when the needed shifts are made.

We will work on making sure that both of your nervous systems can be fully present in the room. We make sure it is safe to be seen and to see your partner.

I sit my couples across from each other, knee to knee, face to face, heart to heart… because you need to not just hear your partner—but understand what they are experiencing. You both need to be able to be fully informed about what is going on in each other and between each other so you have the freedom to make choices.

We aren’t going to miss the things you say to each other with your bodies, your faces, and the tone of your words. We’ll help the two of you start seeing this previously hidden exchanges in your relationship so you don’t keep getting hung up on the same problems with the same results.

The more you understand each other and what you two are actually doing together, the clearer your choices will be—and the more each of you will be able to pursue that decision with your whole heart… all while supporting what is best for each other.